People.
Total communion between two, between one and another, which comprises the entire range of all possible relationships of spirit, soul and body between two polarised beings necessarily constitutes the absolute wholeness of spiritual, psychic and physical being, in love—and here lies the root and source of the vow of chastity.
~ Valentin Tomberg
advent, 2
I have never related personally to the monastic vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience… and I imagine you might feel the same. Most of us are married, most of have not renounced our possessions, and most of us live with relative freedom of choice. We don’t have to get the permission of an abbott to take vacation, for example. The boss maybe, but not an abbot. I appreciate all three of these freedoms even while I find myself intensely curious about the monastic surrender of these freedoms.
So I was impacted deeply by reading the mystical understanding of the vows referenced above. By mining the deeper essence of the vows adopted tangibly by monks, we find core spiritual lessons for the Christmas quest of finding our way home relationally, geographically, and vocationally. The idea of discovering our spiritual home is compelling, especially for the de-churched, but the actual means for recovering our people, place, and participation often feels vague at best.
Finding a lifelong soul-mate in marriage comes quickly for some and not for others. And some non-monks I know feel a spiritual calling to celibacy. But those who do come to marriage often find that level of mutual submission either challenging or actually untenable. This degree of oneness is a work in progress for all married couples. And that’s before we even come to a larger community, which carries its own particular rewards and pitfalls.
Our yearning for home—both in this world and the next—revolves around finding “our people.” Finding those who get us, those who see us, understand us, value us. Here we feel welcomed and loved. When we find our tribe, we don’t have to pretend or hide or self-edit; we can be be transparent and vulnerable and know that we belong, even when we’re feeling raw and ugly.
Home is the place where our core human needs met, albeit imperfectly… starting with our fundamental need for approval and affection. Genuine appreciation. Genuine pursuit. There’s no slipping out the back door unnoticed. This might be a surprising way to talk about Christmas, but this is part of why God took on skin and entered into the fullness of the human condition (including Jesus’ own need for love and community). The entire Selfhood of God revolves around the mutual affection of the Trinity! In extension, we are the eternal objects of God’s approval and affection!
I hear a slight rumble from our evangelical brethren: Doesn’t God hate our sin? Doesn’t God withhold approval and affection until we say the magic words of the sinner’s prayer? Won’t God send non-Christians to eternal torment, the very definition of disapproval and disaffection? In my admittedly limited experience of God, I would say yes, no, and no.
God does hate the things that injure us and lead us to injure others. But the expansive lovefest of the divine Soul cannot be restrained from its fierce pursuit of our fragile souls—not before our first breath nor after our last! And the God I know, while allowing us to create our own micro-hells in this world, will, I believe, find a way to bring all God’s children home at last, which is to say every human every born. Even the unborn.
Is this enough reason for Christmas? Heck yeah.
Is this what our hearts desperately yearn for. Without question.
Which brings me full-circle to the concept of chastity, which as Tomberg intuits, is not about withholding oneself but about entering into the comprehensive embrace of all. Total communion. Absolute unitive wholeness. It is the fullness of all things, and it includes you.
In him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible… all things have been created through him and for him…. For God was pleased to…reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven… (Col 1:16-20).
This is the “merry” in Christmas! We find our people, and we ourselves are found. We are home for Christmas.
growing your soul
How it is for you to actually feel and receive God’s approval and affection today?
serving our world
Who is the unlikely person who needs your approval and affection today?
takeaway
You belong.