Wonder.
If you are searching, you must not stop until you find.
When you find, however, you will become troubled.
Your confusion will give way to wonder.
In wonder you will reign over all things.
Your sovereignty will be your rest.
~ Gospel of Thomas, logian 2
Seems a fitting segue from fundamentalism last week to wonder this week… because the two are mutually exclusive. While fundamentalism is a closed system (nothing new is acknowledged or allowed), it can only be open to different versions of what it already sees; it cannot, by definition, be surprised by entirely new ideas or experiences. And that’s sad since the wonder and surprise of discovery is essential for our spiritual formation.
Which takes me to the epigraph above, which I experience as a mystical portal into the very essence of personal transformation. The disciple Thomas, after his much-maligned “doubting” episode, went on to take news of Jesus through Turkey and much of India, where he is regarded as a patron to this day. This gospel, ascribed to the apostle Thomas by the gnostic tradition in the early church, contains 114 proverbs or wisdom sayings attributed to Jesus.
If you grew up in the evangelical tradition, alarms are likely going off in your head about now. Weren’t the gnostics heretics… or dualists… or worse? Weren’t they condemned by the early church councils? As it turns out, the Christians of the first few centuries were a zealous but fractious bunch, not unlike Christians today. And when the emperors Constantine (Edict of Milan, 313) and Theodosius (Edict of Thessolonica, 380) coopted the Christian religion into their political ambitions, it became expedient for church doctrine to get locked down and controlled in good fundamentalist fashion… and we have been marked by that posture ever since.
Prior to this Roman invasion of our faith, the early church was much more theologically diverse, and early gnostic leaders like Valentinus definitely considered themselves followers of Christ. If that diversity of dialog had been allowed to continue, IMHO, I think it would have allowed for a much more generous orthodoxy than what we wound up with. Instead, we inherited a Christianity that was (and largely remains) patriarchal and cerebral, controlling and exclusionary. Gnostic Christianity, in my view, has its own imbalances, but if it had been allowed to remain in creative tension with what became orthodoxy, we would have wound up with a gospel that looks more like Jesus.
History lesson over, back to insights from brother Thomas…
“If you are searching…” The author assumes that not everyone is, indeed, searching. Even within the Christian community. And why would you if you already have all the answers? (mild sarcasm here)
“When you find, however, you will become troubled.” Isn’t this what happens when we come across either new ideas or new experiences that clash with our existing paradigms? No one likes to have their frame of reference rocked, and we often rush to secure our belief systems from emotional vertigo at all cost. The result? Spiritual stagnation. Non-growth. Reinforcement of the status quo.
“Your confusion will give way to wonder.” This is my favorite line because both confusion and wonder require a level of being mystified, of not being able to fully comprehend something. But where confusion betrays a white-knuckled determination to resolve (control) the paradox, wonder finds freedom in the relinquishment of control. Wonder finds joy in the transcendent beauty of mystery itself.
“In wonder you will reign…. Your sovereignty will be your rest.” These lines unveil another mystical dimension of God’s kingdom—that healthy leaders serve rather than control. “Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them…. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant” (Mt 20:25-26).
Keep rocking the boat; it’s your pathway to spiritual growth.
growing your soul
Where do you find yourself on this continuum between the comfort of knowing and the formational discomfort of not-knowing?
serving our world
How might our world benefit from a more generous orthodoxy?
takeaway
Wonder much?