Between.
If you are pinning your expectations for joy on something that may or may not happen in the future, you have immediately made yourself a victim. Even if things are going your way, you are simply a victim in remission. You have given away your basic soul right and power to organize and be responsible for your own inner equanimity.
~ Cynthia Bourgeault
Right after graduation, Kellie and I took a little road trip with Thorpe and Cailyn from Portland down to San Francisco, and one of our stops was the Oregon sand dunes. Bet you didn’t know that thousands of acres of sand are tucked into the fir forests of coastal Oregon! We certainly didn’t… until we found ourselves flying across these massive mountains at literally 60 miles an hour in a dune buggy driven by an adrenaline junkie. It was breath-taking and thrilling, and I told Kellie over the deafening whine of the engine that I had found my new calling.
Okay… hold that thought.
As a pastor’s kid, I grew up listening to thousands of sermons before I ever gave one myself. As you might suspect, most of the messages I heard inspired me in the moment but faded from memory eventually. But a precious few somehow lodged in my soul, for reasons I don’t fully understand, only to resurface years later.
I was probably only 10 years old when my dad preached what I think it was a series of messages on what he called the HAN and the KOG. The two dimensions we all live between: the “Here And Now” and the “Kingdom of God.” He held his hands, both palm down, one over the other, to visualize the overarching reality that Jesus called the Kingdom… superimposed over the more visible world we live in, everything we perceive with our five physical senses. More and more I am aware of the constant flow through and between these two realms.
Do you ever feel that way? Do you sense that you slip between these two worlds on a regular basis? Sometimes almost fully consumed by the tangibility of the world in which we go to work, pay bills, and juggle an impossible schedule of possible activities. This is also, perhaps surprisingly, the same world in which we go to church, take soup to a sick neighbor, and pray over a difficult relationship. The KOG realm, alternatively, is where we encounter Transformation in the form of humility, forgiveness, the fruit of the Spirit, and the heart conditions of the Beatitudes. But these two worlds are intertwined in the most mysterious of ways so that we are never entirely out of one; we always have one foot in each!
The context for my most recent musings on this topic is the incredibly demanding job of looking for a job. With new degrees freshly in hand, Kellie and I are both looking for positions in which we can use our gifts and make a living, since we get no steady salary from the Vining Center. I don’t know how long it’s been since you’ve been in the job market, but it is not for the faint of heart. You find a posting that looks like a good fit, you apply, and you begin to imagine yourself in this new role. The excitement of new possibilities feels a little intoxicating… only to get that fateful email that tells you how wonderful you are… but how they don’t actually want you. Or you hear nothing at all, leaving you to wonder whether your resume fell into a cyber-void.
Back to the dune buggy!
It takes a strong stomach to lurch over the edge of a sand cliff where you can’t see the bottom until you are plummeting down like a roller coaster… and then speeding along the bottom of a gully toward a towering wall of sand ahead that seems impossible to summit. Until you do. This is now my mental picture for job-hunting—thrills and terrors in equal portion. Consolations and desolations dialed up to 11. To a slightly lesser extent, this is the life we all find ourselves in. Somewhere between “the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat,” the iconic line from The Wide World of Sports in the 70s.
Given our tendency to either fling ourselves headlong into new possibilities or instead draw back from the risk of disappointment, here’s the question I have been wrestling with: How do we hope boldly while holding outcomes lightly? In other words, how do we find the courage to imagine joyful new possibilities—and work toward those confidently—even when the odds are high that we will be disappointed? Even when we will likely experience desolation and even despair at times, wondering if we will ever find the thing our heart longs for?
No matter where you are in your journey right now, I imagine you are confronted by some version of this very dilemma.
Where lies the wisdom and wherewithal to navigate this territory? In Scripture? Maybe. Maybe not. In more sermons, books, and podcasts? Maybe. In a deep-hearted spiritual friend? Maybe. All these resources are indeed worthy for sustenance, but ultimately we need something more: We need to locate ourselves within the ever-present dimension of the KOG and participate in that reality at least as much as we participate in the HAN reality. Does this make sense?
Jesus used many metaphors for this realm: a branch abiding in the vine, the priceless pearl for which we sell all, the good soil where we can thrive despite birds and stones, thorns and dryness. But let’s get more practical still. How do we do this?
Consecration. I find prayers of petition only marginally helpful at this juncture. Instead, it is the spiritual practices of remembrance and surrender that hold my heart best in uncertain times. Specifically, I use a crafted body prayer to daily remind myself of who I am and who God is (and yes, my soul need these affirmations that frequently). I use practices like the Welcoming Prayer, Breath Prayers, the Daily Examen, and Centering Prayer to reinforce the posture of trust and surrender. Scripture can also be useful here as long as you don’t treat it like a get-out-of-jail-free card. All of these are the more solitary, individual expressions of “abiding.”
Camaraderie. The communal expression of “abiding” lies in a trusted soul-friend where we bear our souls, with all their hopes and fears, in the safety and vulnerability of true communion. Here we find the priceless gifts of being seen, being believed in, and being challenged to move toward our fullness. We are not meant to go this alone. Church services, no matter how uplifting, are not the same thing.
Creation. There is no cathedral as transcendent as God’s craftings of sea and mountain, tree and stone. Here, more than anywhere, we encounter the quiet murmurs of delight and belonging, hope and wellbeing. Here our souls are refreshed and strengthened and pointed toward the very “betweenness” in which we journey, day in and day out. Here heaven meets earth and prompts us toward the path of life.
Creativity. The practice of taking our meaning-making and incarnating our secret truths into art and beauty is divinely therapeutic. The creative process breaches our despair with resolve and floods our veins with the life of the Spirit. Creativity is the connective tissue between the HAN and the KOG. Be bold here.
Consciousness. To be conscious is to activate the Inner Observer, perceiving and naming our inner drama in the presence of God. “Why are you downcast, my soul?” asks the attentive Psalmist. You too can dialogue with your soul and spirit, bringing keen attention to the movements of consolation and desolation. God lives here.
Much more could be said here (and I may in future posts), but I have gone on longer than usual. May you navigate your own HAN and KOG with hope and surrender.
growing your soul
Which of the five strategies above calls to you in this particular season? What is the next right thing for you?
serving our world
Who needs your presence right now in their own tensions of the “between?”
takeaway
Head in the clouds, feet on the earth.