Mirror.
We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
~ 1 Cor 13:12 msg
In the last couple weeks, I have received the great gift of mirroring, which arrived in a couple different ways. In one conversation, I was helped to see my virtue in a way that had been hidden from me; in another, I was helped to see my vice in a way that had likewise been hidden. While one of these was more enjoyable than the other, both were an immense kindness. And it’s difficult, if not impossible, to get this kind of mirroring alone. We really need another trusted soul to tell us the truth about ourselves, and this takes great courage.
As a pastor, coach, and spiritual director for 30 years, one of the most valuable ways in which I hold sacred space for others on their spiritual journey is in this act of mirroring. As faithfully as I know how, I attempt to help others see themselves in the reflection of my eyes and words—their worth and dignity as well as their blind spots.
All a mirror does is simply reflect, and a good mirrors reflects most clearly and and accurately what it sees. With belief and without judgment. Yet this is not as easy as it sounds: It’s tough for us to get out of the way and see another person without the obstructions of our own agendas, our own filters, and our own prejudices. When this happens, though, a miracle occurs; we offer another person (or ourselves) the priceless gift of a more honest self-perception.
We just get so few chances to really see ourselves as we are… without our own instinctive inflations and contractions. This is the actual definition of humility, by the way—to see ourselves neither better nor worse than we are. Which is how God sees us, of course! And with unqualified love. Without this quality of humility, our self-concept is always somewhat skewed, like walking through the mirrored hall in a fun-house. Our sense of self is distorted. Both our divine image and our human frailties get distorted such that we struggle to know ourselves or others through a clear lens, and this is a great hindrance in our relationships.
Who can give us such a gift? Certainly God can, but once again, we are prone to get in the way of this process and project our own assumptions onto God. Our best hope for such pure mirroring is in the presence of a true spiritual friend, an anamcara. Someone who believes in us completely, loves us thoroughly, and who has permission to speak candidly. Without flattery or criticism. Someone who names our best and doesn’t shy away from our worst. As you can sense, this kind of presence requires a profound and rare level of security.
The best we can do for a friend is to speak “our truth”—by which I mean the truth as we perceive it. None of us sees the whole truth, and few of us risk speaking the truth we do see. The more we do the work to remove the “logs” in our own eye, the more clearly we will see to gently remove the “splinters” in our brothers’ and sisters’ eyes.
growing your soul
Who does this for you? How can you invite more of this gift in your life?
serving our world
Who do you do this for? How can you become a more trustworthy mirror?
takeaway
Speak truth. Receive truth.